"style-healing wang" might be my favorite phrase, like, EVER.

but christina aguilera is looking rather amazing there, isn't she? i love that dress.

when i called mariah carey an unstoppable force of hair extensions, thighs and sparkles, i had no idea how frighteningly accurate that was.

also, interesting fact: i park below philips arena (appropriately known as the pigeon pit), and as i passed the staging/loading area this morning, post-mariah concert, i noticed there were no less than 10 semis being loaded with concert stuff. so when somebody asks you how many trucks it takes to put on a mariah carey concert, now you know. you're welcome.

It appears that Exxon is astroturfing YouTube, producing content designed to look like an authentic, amateur piece belittling Al Gore's efforts to bring attention to the climate change crisis.

It's been a while since I got really upset by an advertising campaign. I sort of thought I'd grown out of it, to tell you the truth. Guess not. Kriston thinks I'm crazy, but I still believe there should be some sort of disclosure requirement that makes this kind of sleaziness nonviable.

More realistically, YouTube might want to think about introducing such a requirement into its license terms, if it wants to maintain the cachet it's currently enjoying. Eventually the copyright owners will yank their content. If all that's left is a collection of cutting-edge marketing efforts, interest in the site will evaporate pretty quickly.

for myself and other fans of fabulous reality tv show america's next top model, you might be interested to read this interview over on television without pity with one of the show's writers about the strike the writing staff is currently on. it's actually kind of interesting - the writing team is striking because currently, basically no reality show writers have been allowed to join the writers guild of america and get all the benefits that come with that - little things like health insurance and pensions. apparently reality tv show writers aren't considered real writers, or something, by the industry in general, and this strike by the ANTM writing crew could have really far-reaching effects on if reality show writers are allowed to unionize. kind of interesting. there's also a bit of insight into the process of how the show - and other reality shows - are "written." my take is that the CW better up and let the ANTM folks do what the hell they want, as the show is basically the flagship of a fledgling network that's gonna need a lot of help come fall.

but let's face it: ain't no writer talented enough out there to come up with the line "bitch poured beer on my weave."

i think i might hate those new hummer commercials more than anything else.

don't forget: the office started showing webisodes yesterday. the first two are online and i believe they plan on showing 13 or so. the storyline follows the three accountants figuring out a possible embezzlement scandal. pretty funny!

i recently downloaded season two of the office and am finally getting to see all the lovely hysterics. i'm kind of on a vmars-like-dvd-type-roll; i go through multiple episodes in stretches of time. hell, i had meant to start running with scissors tomorrow, having finished everything is illuminated, but maybe (since i have the day off) i will just finish the whole darn season. i'm craaazy like that.

while watching the email surveillance episode, i had a flash of genius. fountains of wayne should totally guest-band on the office. it would be the best musical tv appearance ever. new jersey power pop gods, writers of anthems for the weary office set - it's like a match made in heaven. "hey julie"? "bright future in sales"? C'MON. make it happen, steve carell. i have no conceivable idea of what the setup would be, but i'm sure they could do a good job.

i didn't catch the episode myself, but aly points me towards the pretty great opening montage of the season premiere of perennial zunta favorite "the venture brothers." i'll have to make a note to catch the next one.

and guess what? i may be getting a personal tour of the cartoon network while i'm down here! woot.

UPDATE: sorry, i had the wrong youtube link for the venture brother's opening montage. it should be fixed now.

Rachael Ray is getting her own daytime talk show. This is old news, but I just saw an ad for it on TV. And I am disturbed.

Ezra's completely right about Entourage. It's weird. Not Ezra being right about something — he does that all the time. Rather, he's right in noting the weirdness of the show being so entertaining despite its almost complete lack of actual conflict. I was talking with some folks about this last night, and we all basically agreed: people like happy endings, and there's only one place to get them on HBO.

But I'm still conflicted about liking the show. If I ever met anyone like the main characters (aside from E), I have no doubt that I'd hate their guts. I'd probably spend the evening trying to make them look dumb, then cowardly backing down from any resulting threats. You know, like that jerk from that scene in Good Will Hunting who ended up not liking those apples very much.

Seriously, Turtle is a perfect instantiation of some of the most despicable Dude Archetypes of all time. The show's apparent endorsement of the douchebag lifestyle makes me wonder what company I'm putting myself in by liking it. Whatever demographic it is, I have a feeling it includes a lot of dudes who spent most of their college years proclaiming how "money" various things were. I'm not particularly comfortable with that.

But there's no helping it. The show's got sharp writers, nonstop wish-fulfillment and an unpretentious way of presenting its thoroughly pretentious subject matter. Plus, Jeremy Piven is a comedic force of nature (his thoroughly wussy yogic journeys notwithstanding). Who am I to stand in his way?

one of the best things about coming back to d.c. is the opportunity to reimmerse myself in retarded pop culture shit/music/commercials that are floating about on cable, which i didn't get back in chicago. observations:

-i still have a lady crush on the lead singer of the pussy cat dolls
-i still have an irrational love of the fanta commercials
-nick lachey seems sad
-teri hatcher looks like a reanimated zombie

ah, mtv/vh1. how i've missed you. up next: food tv!

I'll be tuning over to the Lost season finale at 9, but for the moment Charles and I are watching the two-hour American Idol extravaganza (that doesn't include the red carpet telecast, of course). So far it's pretty awesome. Do you like... scatting? Yeah, I hate that shit too. But we got some of it!

And Live played! Remember Live? They had that song that was about abortion, maybe? Well, their lead singer and one of the American Idol contestants (possibly the one who Fuel has an embarrassing crush on) just had an epic falsetto/bald-off in their ridiculously high-heeled boots and sweaty, billowing synthetic shirts. They will presumably take alternating shifts on tour/in cryogenic suspension, supported by an increasingly cybernetic backing band, allowing rock-FM summer festival victims to enjoy "Dolphins Cry" well into the next millennium.

Also, Katherine McPhee sang with Meatloaf, who looks and sounds like he could drop dead at any moment.

And now Wolfgang Puck is brandishing a lobster at newly short-haired Kelly Pickler, who is either a masterful comic actress or simply proof that my taste in women is the product of a deeply sick misogynism. Either way, the segment is pretty fantastic.

Alright, focus: why am I writing this? To protest the travesty that's about to unfold. It seems clear that Taylor Hicks is going to win this thing, despite Katherine McPhee being talented, beautiful, and scary in exactly the right way. Now, I've got nothing against the idea of the women of America publicly proclaiming their love for a prematurely gray shlub — I'm kind of partial to the idea, actually. But not this shlub. Not this Michael McDonald-aping motherfucker. I can't take another lifetime's worth of whiteguy-soul-filled MCI commercials. I was counting on the original abomination to eventually die... or at least be imprisoned by some sort of unbreakable enchantment. Don't take that away from me, America.

But there's one normally-noxious player on the screen that I'm actually growing to tolerate: Ryan Seacrest. Sure, he's awful in every conceivable respect. But think of it this way: if it weren't him, who would it be? What's the Death Takes A Holiday scenario? I'll tell you what: it's Billy Bush. And no matter how awful Seacrest is, it seems unlikely that he'll ever become president. We need to support Ryan; if that slot opens up, it's not going to be Dunkelman taking over. It's going to President Billy and First Lady Jenna and their hemophiliac children.

Lesser of two evils, people.

i may have been unhappy with the direction the season finale took grey's anatomy, but this video they filmed from this week's upfronts is basically comedy gold. (via)

first tv thought: the good - veronica mars was picked up for next season! the bad - it was only for 13 episodes. this is a classic sign that if the first few episodes don't perform well, the rest of the season won't be ordered. in fact, if the first few episodes don't do well, we might not even see all 13. i am relatively calm now as i type this, but i am telling you: if YOU DON'T WATCH VERONICA MARS THIS COMING SEASON I WILL GO APESHIT ON YOU AND YOU WILL BE VERY SORRY. IF THE SHOW DOES NOT DO WELL ENOUGH IN THE RATINGS I WILL PERSONALLY COUNT ALL OF YOU, ALL OF THE ZUNTA READERS, RESPONSIBLE, AND I WILL FLIP MY SHIT, AND THE BLOG WILL BECOME RAMBLING GIBBERISH. I WILL ALSO TIE TOMMY UP IN THE CRAWLSPACE SO NO LOGICAL THOUGHTS CAN BE POSTED TO THE BLOG WHATSOEVER. TAKE THIS AS THE FIRST OF MANY WARNINGS, MOTHERFUCKERS.

ahem. emily and i chatted this afternoon about a possible plan to take the first episode of season one coast to coast - launch an online campaign, if you will. our philosophy is that if you see that episode, you will be hooked. beyond hooked. this happened to my brother; today, michelle told me it happened to her. if i could think of a good enough contest, i would offer as first prize the season 1 dvd. i would go out and buy it and give it to the winner. so any thoughts on that, and i promise to make it happen.

tv thought 2: the grey's anatomy season finale #1 really kind of bit. i'm in the middle of #2 right now, and it is better, but the izzie/denny storyline drives me absolutely bonkers. it might be the stupidest piece of shit i've ever seen on television. alan says:

I'm not sure I have ever laughed at hard as an intentionally dramatic moment on a TV show as I did during Izzie's crying jag to convince Denny to let her mess up his heart. That entire subplot underlined everything I've grown to hate about this show and most of its characters. It's annoying enough when, say, Meredith and Cristina are gossiping about their boyfriends in the middle of a bomb scare, but for Izzy to risk two lives (Denny's and the legitimate recipient) because she's getting frustrated at how long it's taking for Denny to get a heart? George should have brained her with a bedpan as soon as he realized what she was up to. Add to that George scolding Callie for daring to speak the truth to poor, fragile Meredith, plus the shooting of Burke, one of the few characters I still like unreservedly, and my patience is really being tried here.

for this, she risks her career? SHE'S NEVER EVEN HAD SEX WITH HIM. the sex could be terrible! and if it's terrible THERE IS NO POINT.

tv thought 3: i am excited for studio 60 on sunset strip. watch a commercial here. i have to admit, i kind of have a grosscrush on timothy busfield. gross because he's really kind of ugly and fat. crush because of danny concannon.

UPDATE: as far as grey's anatomy, on the other hand, the song they played as denny wheeled into the operating room, hopefully to a painful death, was pretty. i found out is called "look at her face" by a band called the coral sea. some mp3s are here. if you wanted to d/l "look at her face" you can pay for it (pshaw) here.

UPDATE II: did georg really just say "i figured one night with you was better than never" ?!?!?!?!? THE FUCK. this show has come a long way since the awesome bomb episodes.

UPDATE III: on one hand, while izzie's storyline with denny made me want to puke and roll around in it, i still think katherine heigl is gorgeous and an amazing comedic actress. just please don't make her fall in love with any more heart patients.

UPDATE IV: i'm sorry. sorry. i know that frequent updates reload the post in your rss reader, and it's annoying. but i must. SERIOUSLY?!? A PROM STORYLINE? and who gives a fuck that the dog has cancer? sheesh. on the other hand, i would like to add that whoever plays the nazi and alex karev are severely underutilized. i would watch a show with those two characters all day long.

UPDATE V: i'll admit it. the ending made me cry. i'm such a pussy.

can anyone point me towards a torrent for "the office" finale? it's called "casino night," i think, and i must watch it!

Yes, it's true. I dove back into Lost last night. Sommer had missed last week's episode too, so she came over and, along with Charles, myself, some beers and a bit of morningroundupering, caught up on what's been going on on the Island.

Short answer: serious shit. They revealed another research station! They killed two characters — and ones whose backstories we were merely somewhat tired of, instead of totally fucking bored by. They inserted a twist! And Ana Lucia and Sawyer played several variations of "hide the pistol". There was lots of stuff going on, and at a pretty good decent pace. I was pleased.

I was even more excited to see that the powers that be have started placing fake Hanso Foundation commercials in the middle of Lost's regular ad breaks. "Paid for by ABC" flashed in the corner of the first one ever-so-briefly, but otherwise it seemed like a low-budget but generally plausible commercial for one of those organizations that doesn't actually sell, make or do anything, yet still feels compelled to purchase TV spots. At the end: dial 1-877-HANSORG for more information.

"Wow!" I thought to myself. "Now that's a good use of Asterisk."

Since we were still working off the Tivoed copy of last week's episode, the phoneline wasn't jammed. We put it on speaker and heard some floaty music and instructions to dial our party's extension or select another option. We hit 1 for general information and got a looping clip of somebody speaking French. Hmm. Pretty intriguing. I mashed the star key a bit and somehow ended up hearing a rap extolling the virtues of Sprite. Er. Okay. Somebody has to pay the bills for this sort of unconventional storytelling, I suppose.

Then it was time for this week's episode. As I said, pretty satisfying. And they ran the same commercial again, except this time the momentary flash said "Paid for by Sprite", and they showed a URL along with the phone number: www.sublymonal.com. If you follow that link you'll find it contains a flash animation of a bunch of TVs showing static, arranged around the word "OBEY".

First of all: this is not a great site for a nonprofit, Mr. Hanso. It's flash-based, there's no action, and the navigation could use some work. You're never going to build your list this way.

Second: it all started falling into place. I think Sommer may have been the first one to put it together. SubLYMONal.com. As in "the only one with lymon (dot com)". And what should we be obeying, anyway? Our thirst, perhaps?

This does not sit well. I don't mind being sent down blind alleys, but I don't expect to find soda machines at the end of them. This ad campaign demonstrates that the show's producers not only don't have a grand vision for the show, they also don't particularly give a shit about whatever it might turn out to be. I fully expect the Others' next onslaught to be warded off by the sight of a CapitalOne card.

I find this particularly crappy because I was completely and totally ready to jump back onboard the Lost bandwagon. As Catherine mentioned, I even decided to waste some time in Illustrator and make a vector version (PDF) of this bitmap of the Dharma Initiative logo. I figured it looked kind of cool, and might be good for some money on SpreadShirt. But after the Sprite Revelation I've pretty much lost interest in the project, to what I'm sure is Catherine's great relief.

Today is E3, when we'll supposedly learn some more details surround Nintendo's new console and the plans of the Big Three in general. Already revealed: the PS3's $500 price tag — and that's just for the entry-level model without wifi or HD support. Yikes.

I sort of had a PSOne in college — a roommate owned it, but I chipped it — and it was a pretty fun, but not great system. I've always had a grudge against Sony's offerings, though, on the basis of their insanely bad controller. I think they just shot themselves in the foot pretty seriously.

Meanwhile, I'm getting more and more excited for the Nintendo Revolution Wii. Everytime I look at that new controller I get a little more excited.

UPDATE: NYT coverage of the Wii can be found here. In general the various gaming news outlets are saying Nintendo hit it out of the park with their demo, It's getting very favorable comparisons to Sony's presentation. which is being treated as something of a flop (largely because of the huge price tag for the PS3). No word on price for the Wii, but they've previously pledged it'll clock in at under $300. No release date either, other than the disappointingly vague and far away "Q4".

Ah, Monday night. Broadcast wasteland. Still, there are highlights:

• David Blaine: Drowned Alive seems unlikely to be able to live up to its title. Still, I'm transfixed by the man's overpowering lack of charisma. Unfortunately Stuart Scott, a talented professional broadcaster, is on hand to emcee the whole thing, lending the proceedings an inappropriate air of competence. Right now he's interviewing Actual Yale Doctor about the horrors Blaine has faced during the past week (spent immersed in a sphere of water in Lincoln Center). Skin breakdown! Fluid loss! And, most disconcertingly, briefly elevated liver enzyme activity that began to correct itself before the big finale, but is still being used to imply that death was/is imminent. Paging Morgan Spurlock! Mr. Spurlock to the front desk! Someone's stealing your bit!

  ALSO GREAT: They're using flesh-colored wind guards on their headset mics. It makes everyone look like they've got enormous goiters on their faces. My man Stu was smart enough to say no to this idiotic scheme, however: he's got the black wind guard, so it just looks like he has a huge, cancerous mole. I told you he was a pro.

  POTENTIALLY GREATER: The discussion of how David's London fast "wreaked havoc upon his metabolism". Translation: HE TURNED INTO A BIG FAT LOAD.

  Man. I'm kind of surprised/alarmed at how much I dislike this idiot. Let's move on.



• I really enjoy commercials for gardening products. The spokesmen crack me up: they're invariably older but craggily virile men — ex-firefighters looking to spend more time weeding with their beloved wives, mostly — who confidently expound on the merits of whatever revolutionary advance in dirt technology they're peddling. I always get a kick from the recognition of another demographic's Marketing Achilles Heel. Much easier to see others' than your own, I suppose.


• Telecom commercials! First, the cable company bragging that it supplies steady jobs. Now there's a good lobbying approach: pass preferential legislation for our industry because we employ people. Of course, whoever they're going to lose their business to probably also employs people, so I'm not quite sure what they're getting at. Perhaps this is a DC-area narrowcast meant to scare politicians with cable repairguy constituents. Still, seems like a pretty lame argument.

  Next up is AT&T, which, among a series of pledges to do things like "bring us the future", let loose one or two interesting tidbits. First, a thinly-veiled appeal to network neutrality advocates — "we won't block access" was the wording, I believe (which isn't really specific enough, but it's interesting that they're addressing it). Second, they promised to observe local right-of-way. I can't remember the wording, so I can't be sure, but I believe this is tackling the municipal broadband legislative question.

  If they meant these pledges, good for AT&T. But even moreso, good for us: if the telecoms are feeling threatened enough over these issues to create commercials filled with friendly promises rather than commercials filled with self-serving lies, the EFF must be making progress.

Catherine sent me this earlier today: Simpsons versions of the Battlestar Galactica cast.

With Kriston in Chicago as well, the nerd contingent finally had numbers on Catherine, and the three of us ended up making a trip to the completely awesome Chicago Comics (conveniently located just a few blocks from Catherine's apt).

Thanks to Tim I've been jumping back into comics recently — he set me up with some Sandman and Transmetropolitan torrents, and I'm slowly working my way through them.

I have to say that I don't really get the appeal of Sandman. And it's not just that I'm tonedeaf to this stuff — I dig the mythical mystery, and I enjoyed American Gods. But so far the series just seems to be about a pale, skinny sliver of humorlessness who spends a lot of time on concerns related to faeries and the dreamscape. It's like some terrible, terrible Trent Reznor/Tori Amos collaboration. I'll stick with it, but so far it hasn't hooked me.

Transmet's considerably more enjoyable, even if Ellis's writerly narcissism isn't actually dismissed by his constant winking in the way he seems to think it is. Also, it provides another excuse to link to a photo of Julian's awesome Spider Jerusalem Halloween costume. And I think it might provide a comprehensive alternate philosophy of journalism for Catherine, should this Medill thing fail to cover all the bases.

I added to these at Chicago Comics. Kriston bought a bunch of incomprehensible but cool Marvel alternate universe thingamajigs, and a mixed bag of DC trade paperbacks. I stuck with my tried & true formula: volumes 7 and 8 of Powers (and 9's out already!? w00t) and a Hellboy spinoff that's not quite as awesome as solo Mignola, but still pretty satisfying in a "former Nazi scientists' hubris unleashing unspeakable supernatural horrors" kind of way. And that's one of my favorites ways.

So yeah — dorking it up: recommended.

click through for the atrocities to be worn by mischa barton and the other actresses on the prom episode of the OC. yeah, i remember when i wore vera wang to the prom...or was it the 75$ dress from hecht's? it's all blurry. barton's dress is quite possibly the ugliest thing i've ever seen. it looks like a mentally imbalanced puppy made it out of bedsheets. thank god i don't watch that show anymore or i'd go blind.

Saved By The Bell on Adult Swim? Unacceptable! AS is for stupid but beloved cartoons, not stupid but beloved sitcoms.

i have to say that i kind of adored the premiere of "pepper dennis." and when i say adored, i mean "am hitting my head against the wall for admitting in any sort of public forum that i actually like this show because it's really pretty terrible." i just thought it was sort of good in that fun, over-the-top-cheesy way, where even the people starring in and creating the show know it's terribly cheesy and insanely unrealistic, but since you all can admit this freely to each other, and they have fun with it, you can all share a big hearty laugh and drink a bottle of wine while it's on. or that was just me. whatever.

anyway! that rebecca romijn sure is pretty, isn't she. i'd even consider adding her to my who-i'd-do-if-i-were-a-lesbian list. which currently consists of eliza dushku circa buffy.

UPDATE: what's even weirder is seeing the creepy dude who played goodwin on lost play pepper dennis's cringe-inducingly bad stereotype of a newsroom boss. he chews gum like an over-excited cow and speaks in what he must imagine is a chicago accent (the show is set in the lovely windy city). he's awful, frankly, whereas he was pretty good on lost. the mind boggles.

Wolfson shows, once again, why The Simpsons represents the single greatest non-internet source of knowledge in my entire educational history.

But it's been a long time since the show has fulfilled its mission of teaching our youth and fueling our nation's bootleg t-shirt industry. At the beginning of this season I thought we were in for an uptic in the great Simpsons sawtooth-graph o' quality. Not so. Here's the description of last night's episode, courtesy of Tivo:

Grandpa considers suicide but decides to become a matador instead, after foiling Homer's plans to make Springfield home to a professional football franchise.

How do you even pitch that as a show idea? All I can imagine is that a writer picked a moment to try to get fired that coincided with his boss doing the same.

the more you know segments from "the office" are cracking me up today. i have to admit, i toooootally gave up on the show early on when i found that the first two or three episodes sucked, but i've watched a few recent ones and i must admit that my usually so dead-on take on tv shows was pretty wrong in this case. the office: good for what ails you.

other tv thoughts: josh and donna. read they had the sex. didn't see it, but am bit torrenting the show now. was the josh-donna sex terrible or, you know, not terrible?

grey's anatomy: two words: hellooooooooooo chris o'donnell, my mothereffing god, where have you been the past few years, and what a beard. well, that was many more words than two, but he deserves many, many words. my lord. good mcdreamy foil.

oh my god. can we make any more lame-o stereotypical nicknames involving some retardation of yuppie? we've got the yupster, and now new york magazine gives us the grups.

...oh cripes. just reading into the article, i have discovered, though i am a 26-year-old female, i am apparently a grupster:

Let's start with a question. A few questions, actually: When did it become normal for your average 35-year-old New Yorker to (a) walk around with an iPod plugged into his ears at all times, listening to the latest from Bloc Party; (b) regularly buy his clothes at Urban Outfitters; (c) take her toddler to a Mommy's Happy Hour at a Brooklyn bar; (d) stay out till 4 A.M. because he just cant miss the latest New Pornographers show, because who knows when Neko Case will decide to stop touring with them, and everyone knows shes the heart of the band;...

except for the having of a toddler part. i have not hidden a toddler away in my shoe closet of doom, nor am i with toddler, but i totally will subject my toddler one day to the stylings of radiohead. and lo, he will be a moody adolescent.

UPDATE: oh my god. reading even more into the article, i find out that "grups" is actually a star trek reference. arghghahahahgghh! did i tell you, about the saturday night, that i spent with tommy last week, where he was flipping between star trek and anime on tv and, when those were on commercials, watching battlestar gallactica on his computer's dvd player? nothing to do with this post, really, just wanted to tell you that. although i have to admit that the anime was princess mononoke and i liked it, and BG actually seemed really good.

WHAT HAS HE DONE TO ME.

i like to think of myself as a general averter of fashion trends. i like to follow what's in, and i love to shop, but most of the time i know whatever is hot in a particular summer will come crashing down on its purchasers' heads in two years or less. never bought into the prairie skirt look. metallics? hell to the no. i've never owned a pair of skinny jeans in my life, because i don't care to create the illusion that my thighs are actually two enormous bags of sand, thank you very much. and you'll sure as hell never catch me in a pair of leggings worn under a miniskirt. i am happiest in a pair of jeans, a tank top, and flip flops or flats.

but, woe is me, it appears that i have fallen victim, am 100% totally and truly obsessed with one of this season's spring shoe trends, and i just can't help myself. ladies and gentlemen, meet catherine's new friends: the platform wedge.

argh!(#(@(@! I KNOW! what am i doing to myself? these shoes are decidedly 70ish, decidedly difficult to walk in, and, even i admit it, sort of decidedly ridiculous looking. but I LOVE THEM. it all started last spring, when i bought a pair of these over at urban outfitters. i thought that pair of shoes would satiate my wedge needs. BUT NO. as i discovered when i hit up the marshall's on route 7 this morning. (as an aside: when the hell did the shoe department at marshall's get so incredibly kick-ass? it's like DSW's little sister in there.)

first i had to have these (in black, not brown as shown):

I KNOW! i know, i know. except for the color, they look eerily similar to the wedge sandals purchased last spring. not to mention they literally make me about 6'1". it's all amazonia up in here when i'm prancing around in those things. i'm going to terrify children. and maybe unknowingly step on them.

and then, i had to run across these:

"well, don't THESE look practical," i trilled to myself as i clomped through the store aisles. "they're a must-buy!"

all i can ask for now is your help in preventing me from throwing away even more money on this ridiculous style of shoes. if we walk into a store together, please steer me towards the pumas and ballet flats. if that DSW commercial featuring several adorable styles of wedge heels comes on, cover my eyes. and if i fall on you while wearing these monstrosities out in public, will you give a girl a hand and pick me back up?

oh, new york times. always three months behind the zunta (and, apparently, the sunday source).

• Thomas Kinkade, the "painter of light", is a public urinator!


• Clay Aiken corrupts young men via the internet!


• Yanni was arrested for domestic violence!

What is going on, people? Someone go check that Gavin DeGraw isn't off trying to poison the water supply somewhere.

it goes without saying that Go Fug Yourself is a daily must-read (especially in the wake of the oscars), but i really think they've outdone themselves with this imagined interaction between la lohan and sharon stone. go forth and read!

this is hysterical: 37signals posts the original macrumors thread on the announcement of a little mp3 player called the iPod. excerpts:

"iPoop... iCry. I was so hoping for something more."

"I still can't believe this! All this hype for something so ridiculous! Who cares about an MP3 player? I want something new! I want them to think differently! Why oh why would they do this?! It's so wrong! It's so stupid!"

"All that hype for an MP3 player? Break-thru digital device? The Reality Distiortion Field™ is starting to warp Steve's mind if he thinks for one second that this thing is gonna take off."

via waxy

For some reason I'm watching Deal or No Deal at the moment. As you might imagine, it's approximately the stupidest thing ever. That's fine; gambling is basically about dressing up random chance in as elaborate a wrapper as possible. If some TV executive wants to spend his production budget on a fancy set and Donald Trump cameos instead of paying someone a pittance to design a "game" with "entertainment value", well, that's his prerogative.

But here's the thing that really blows my mind: tonight's show, at least, centers around the contestant choosing numbers to open suitcases. Assuming that the show's not rigged, this exercise is completely random. Yet the audience is offering suggestions! And the guy's listening! Carefully!

Well, good luck, moron. I hope you're good at guessing who's good at guessing.

UPDATE: JESUS CHRIST, THAT'S HOWIE MANDEL!?! Terrifying. At least he's found a good niche for his unique brand of talentlessness.

my love for the tv show grey's anatomy has only recently been expounded about 10 billajillion times by the fact that it has got to be one of the most web-friendly shows out there. by now you all probably know about the writers' blog, which is fantasic. there the authors of each episode explain their motivations and ideas behind each episode, often delving into experiences from their own life that influenced them to write the show in one way or another. it's good reading. and they've got comments. and they READ the comments. and they answer them. it is, like, interactive and stuff.

there are also several other blogs, two of which are admittedly extremely retarded because they are "character" blogs, ie, blogs written from the point of view of a couple of minor characters on the show. they're extraordinarily stupid, as are all blogs written by fictional personas, so just skip over them. but the site also has a blog exploring the medical situations that take place on each show. they've got a blog listing all the songs used in every episode from the music supervisor of the show. and they have TEH PODCASTS as well. somewhere on itunes, apparently. i have to admit to not really ever having gotten into the big old podcasting scene so i haven't listened to them yet. but i am sure they are wonderful.

anyway. if only all tv shows employed the internets in this way. especially the writers' blog. if you could have a peek into the minds of the people behind your favorite show, it would clarify things in a way that is both revealing and interesting. grey's anatomy isn't going to change your life, but it's a funn, well-written comedy-drama, and its writers seem to realize one key to its success is a) realizing your fans are what drive the show b) engaging with them.

I've got a feeling that I might just be the last person on the internet to see it — but if you haven't watched Muppets Overtime, you really ought to. It's a beautifully-made and surprisingly sad five minute animated short.

But for the record, I still think that a Muppet retelling of the New Testament would be the ultimate application for the franchise.

"A dramatic day for team USA, with flamboyance in men's figure skating from an uninhibited talent."

That seems more, um, forthcoming than is usual for figure skating coverage. Aren't they supposed to be trying to convince me that the American favorite is the Bad Boy of the ice dancing world? You know, like they do every four years?

tom cruise has bizarre outbursts at kayne west concert.

you know how tommy described that weirdly giddy feeling of something awful and uncontrollable starting to happen, but you're powerless to prevent it, like when you crest the top of a rollercoaster? except he was talking about major and scary privacy issues?

well, this is how i feel about the inevitable decline of tom cruise. we are on the verge of watching some monumental breakdown, people, the likes of which has rarely been seen before in celebrity history. mark my words, folks, it won't be long before he's peeing into stored milk bottles and putting on three hundred pounds. all we can do is grab some popcorn, sit back and blog it all.