I just got back from Whole Foods and I'm alarmed to report that it suddenly contains a large number of thugged out white guys. Shorts were pulled low; fake earring bling sparkled in the afternoon sun; and stupid hats were in abundance — particularly wrongly-colored baseball caps. And the latter were fully-utilized: I saw the gentleman ahead of me in line proceed through an amazing three distinct ballcap-bill positions during our brief time together in line.

They talked about this obscure "Magic Hat" beer they were buying, and one enthusiastically introduced the other to Washingtonian, an up & coming restaurant-finding resource. Then they asked the cashier if they could split the checkout amount across two credit cards. All in all, it felt like I was standing behind Turtle from Entourage, except twice. Deeply unsettling.