alright, people. this TomCat business has got to stop, mostly for the fact that it is obviously based on the nickname for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, aka the Two Freakiest People on earth. tommy and i are nothing like cruise and holmes - in fact, in nearly every way, we are the exact opposite. witness:

1. tom cruise is the scientologistest of all scientologists. tom lee is on a crazed mission to end scientology.
2. i am not a zombie child-bride-to-be.
3. nor am i pregnant, but if i WERE to get pregnant, it would be done the old-fashioned way, and not with a turkey baster full of scientology love. plus, tommy is comfortable enough with his heterosexuality without having to go impregnate ladies all over the place to prove it. he has his sidekick phone, after all, and if that does not scream hetero, i do not know what does.
4. when tommy helps me celebrate my birthday, he does not do with the creepiest-ever idea, a private FAO schwartz toy store visit, including giant cupcakes and a reenactment of the floor piano key scene from "big." the hell?!?!
5. if i had costarred with christian bale, you can bet i a) would not have ended up w/ tom cruise b) would have hit that.
6. we do not have 25 jamillion dollars.
7. etc.

we can discuss all other reasons this evening. see you tonight!