hey, want to know how to become an unmotivated fatass? i have an answer for you: run a marathon! seriously!

i ran the marine corps marathon almost a year ago, crossing the finish line in a time of approximately 4 hours and 30 minutes. to train, i had been running 15-30 miles every week for five or so months. i was probably in some of the best shape of my life. i had cut out most alcohol; i was getting good sleep; i was drinking gallons and gallons of water. clif bars ruled my life, and i felt pretty good.

and then i became stay puft.

after getting through the marathon, i barely worked out again for an entire year. i tried the running thing again, honestly, but without an attainable goal i just couldn't drag myself out to do it. my running partners and fitness team had disappeared with the marathon training. and generally, i figured, hey! i just ran a marathon! i'm allowed to be lazy for a while. before i know it, a while had turned into 12 months. the only thing that prevented me from becoming hurley-sized was being blessed with a somewhat-enviable metabolism and the fact that i walked everywhere, including a mile to and from work every day.

so anyway, when i came to chicago, i figured newish life, new gym! i signed up at the chicago sweatshop, which seems great so far. adequate equipment, mostly gay guys so no gross ogling, and, best of all: lots of spinning classes! i heart spinning, as cheesy as it may be. a few years back i did spinning for an entire summer, and it's a kickass workout.

anyway, i took a spinning class last night for the first time at the new gym. we all saddled up, as it were, and the instructor told us to get pumped, warm up, find our pace, several other fitness class cliches, etc. i was spinning happily along and imagining how great my thighs were going to look if only i could stop eating boxes and boxes of kraft mac and cheese.

until my instructor a) turned out the lights b) put on a 45-minute soundtrack of southern roots rock.

for the ENTIRE CLASS we biked in the dark or near-dark, listening to the likes of CCR and other illustrious groups. "um, is this weird?" i wondered to myself, trying to gauge others' reactions. of course i couldn't, because we were in the FUCKING DARK. the only thing i could see was the enormous stereo system with its red, yellow and green blinking lights, which kind of made me feel like i was biking through space. in a bad 70s movie. while someone was yelling "CLIMB THE HILL FEEL IT NOW BURN YEAH!" at me.

i was scared.

but i'm going back tonight. i think it's a different instructor. maybe i'll actually be able to see her face this time.