a joke involving the word "butt" would be tasteless
As many of you are no doubt aware, some of my so-called friends have recently invented a hurtful new nickname for me. It came about as an intolerant reaction to a personal preference I expressed at our last get-together. A preference which, I should emphasize, I did not choose, but which seems as perfectly natural to me as it seems apalling to others.
But it's not the nickname that upsets me. If my friends can't accept me for who I am, so be it. I can take it. No, what really galls me is the hypocrisy displayed by my tormentors, as many quietly confided to me in private that they have the same feelings — and, on more than one occasion, indelicately asked me to help them pursue those feelings.
I can only assume that the abuse being directed at me is born of a profound sense of self-loathing. What are you people afraid of? Being happy? Being yourself? Or can you just not stand the thought of telling dad?
Well, I hope all you manage to work it out. I really do. But I refuse to be ashamed by the prejudices of your misguided Texan culture. Frankly, I feel sorry for you.
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Look, Buns, it's not that we don't accept you. But eating butt isn't natural. It's not the way you were raised!
Answer me honestly, Buns—did you try to enjoy the brisket? Or were you filling up on weiners instead? Susan and I just feel like this is very sudden. You have a few too many beers and suddenly you're telling us that you have to have some butt. Just think about how much brisket means to us—all of us.
But, seriously, tell me who's confiding. No one's confiding! There was no confiding.
You did! Kriston, you yourself expressed interest in barbequeing pig products! Admit it: you're sty-curious.
Look, I experimented with some pork spare ribs. Just ribs! And I was drinking the whole evening, and frankly, you people took advantage of me. Pigs.
Tom -- I'm with you. Pork is better. Don't tell Yahweh. He loves Texans.
Meh, don't let the Aggies get you down. Look at me, I'm named "Weiner."
And do I let it bother me? No, I just take devious revenge on those who take my name in vain.
Whine, whine, whine.
Did you ever hear me complain about my less than flattering nickname (from Porter)?
I thought you like "Assman"
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