That's how I, and another more notable Tom, are feeling. See, Scientology reveals all of its ridiculous bullshit at a level called Operating Thetan 3, or "OT-3". The levels proceed in order, so OT-1 happens before OT-2, etc.

Tom Cruise is an OT-6. So he knows about the alien ghosts, and the intergalactic overlord Xenu, and the nuclear volcanos, and storing souls on magnetic tape.

For some reason, this has kind of sent me into a panic. I had just assumed that they kept the celebrities at a relatively plausible level of doctrine, to better sell themselves to the public. Not so. Wow.

Oh, and I should probably mention that revealing the above high church teachings to individuals who haven't completed the necessary courses is supposed to induce fatal pneumonia -- which is why the church keeps it secret. So, er, sorry about that.

UPDATE: proof of amazing OT-3 powers!.

Giant supplied a tetramethrin-based spray that claimed to go 22 feet. Also, the tetramethrin sprays weren't the ones labelled "environmentally friendly" -- the eco-conscious bug spray was made out of patchouli, or the sweat of yogis meditating on wasp removal, or something. With its cheerful green and brown cannister, it didn't make a very convincing case. I don't want the wasps to see it and think "what a beautifully cylindrical patch of ground!" No, I want them to think "the legends are true -- the doombringer has come". And I think the black and orange can of Raid I got accomplished that task nicely.

And yes, I did deploy the poison prior to retrieving the tea, and yes, I am drinking my first glass of it right now. But c'mon -- the jar was loosely covered. It'll be fine.

so, last night, ted leo concert. it was pretty good, but i have to say that i think i enjoy seeing him more at the black cat than the 9:30 club. the more intimate venue seems to suit him and his performance better, i think. he just looked so tiny on the big old stage. he's got massive presence, to be sure (even though his bandmates act about as excited in concert as sloths on quaaludes), but the whole thing felt a little less energetic and a little more sterile than times past. in my opinion. the crowd was semi-dead - who were all those people, anyway? - but i do have to give props to the group of kids in front of me who i thought were adorable. they were singing along to every word and dancing excitedly, but not with flailing elbows or anything. they made me smile.

biomusicology and timorous me were the best songs of the night, i thought. c'mon, listen to those mp3s. if you don't like them, something's wrong with your brain. how can you not get a little buzz when, in timorous me, he sings, "Now me and Jodi spend a lot of our time/
Just sitting in silence, driving late at night/And maybe even wondering what’s on each other’s mind/This time" and the drums and bass kick in - buh duh duh bud duh duh - and it's TOTALLY AWESOME. timorous me is one of about three songs in the universe i could listen to on repeat all day and be still be pleased as punch.

and i do have to admit that i thought it would have been nice if he covered "since u been gone" instead of "suspect device," like always. but still. good show, and i do love the ted leo. he's probably one act i'll never get sick of seeing.

is it just me, or, from this seven-minute montage of clips from cameron crowe's newest film, elizabethtown, does it seriously look like he wants it to be the next garden state?