second city
Well, like Catherine said, our weekend was great. Good friends, nice weather, and plenty of wine -- nothing to complain about there.
I really liked Chicago, but I came away feeling that it's got a serious branding problem. You know that guy in college who suddenly decides he needs an "in", and tries a little too hard to manufacture a unique identity? Overnight, he becomes, let's say, "that juggling guy". And juggling is fine, and actually pretty great when performed at a very high level. But come on, is that really going to be your whole shtick? The rest of us just kind of wanted to hang out. And I was going to eat that orange you just took.
Chicago, you're like that. You're really a great city, and you have a lot to offer. It's just that sometimes it seems like you try a little too hard. Improv comedy and deep dish pizza are both perfectly nice, but give it a rest already. It's okay to just be you. I know Seattle's got coffee and rain, and San Francisco's got the gays, and New York's got everything and being a jerk about it. But let's face facts: deep dish is basically just a lazy man's lasagna, bad improv ala the American Whose Line Is It Anyway makes people like me want to murder-suicide everyone on stage, and the whole Blues Brothers thing is too detestable for words.
Also, what's up with this whole "second city" thing? Isn't that a bit defeatist? At least stop putting dual antennae on top of all your skyscrapers. It's like the whole skyline is proudly proclaiming "we're number two!" You've gotta dare to dream, Chicago.
I suggest getting back to your strengths. You've got the whole wind thing -- that's nice and abstract (if a bit effete). How about a kite festival? And you should totally name your new WNBA team after it. Oh, and the Cubs! Let's not forget them. Now that the Red Sox are tragically successful, you've got America's #1 hapless baseball team. It's adorable.
And of course there's the El. The soothing clacking; the infinitely painted-over ironwork in the stations; Charles is right: it's exactly like riding The Grizzly at King's Dominion. You should sell tickets! Oh. Right. Well, maybe getting some funnel cake stands and guys wandering around dressed up as Klingons would help draw the crowds.
Finally, you've got Lake Michigan. I'll be honest with you: I think "great" is overselling it. Nonetheless, it's a pretty good lake, and you should run with it. You just need a good slogan to sell it -- something snappy and assertive. How about, "All the lake, none of the Mormons"?
Comments
your sarcasm is exceptionally original.
and your unfunny, anonymous comment is exceptionally pussified.
Thanks! I think so too.
To anyone else considering leaving an anonymous snipe, though, I should point out that I legitimately did like Chicago a lot, based on my admittedly limited time there. But deep-dish pizza just isn't that good.
Your lamentable position on deep dish pizza aside, you must agree that a DC resident who finds other cities lacking in legitimate homegrown culture is just asking for trouble. I mean. What's DC food? Anything paid for by a lobbyist?
Oh, I agree. Chicago is clearly a bona fide city. We're, like, a quarter of a city. Between Ellington, go-go and punk rock, DC's got some musical claims, but that's about it for non-governmental culture.
On the other hand, DC doesn't go about heavily branding itself by its own pretty good but not great, definitely horribly unhealthy signature food item (the halfsmoke, according to the Post). Not the way Chicago and Philadelphia do, anyway. I saw deepdish references before I even left the jetway.
So I really didn't mean to disparage Chicago. It seemed pretty great -- weather aside, I have no doubt it's generally a more appealing place to live than DC. It's just that the city seems to have picked weirdly mediocre things by which to define its identity.
The branding question reminds me of a cashier working a grocery store in Austin. She was from Iowa, I guess, and she was complaining that they had a really weak and wussy state slogan. (Don't remember what it was.) "It's terrible!" she said. "It should be something awesome, like EAT CORN OR DIE."
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