Yesterday, as part of our post-fire agreement with our landlord, we assisted in the partial demolition of our deck. So as you can see, we currently don't have much of a railing, and in fact have added a few rusty nails to the equation.

"But Tom," you're saying to yourself, "What does this have to do with me? Surely you don't think that I, a sophisticated, intelligent, lovely and/or virile young person, would be so foolish as to consume alcohol, go outside for a smoke, and tumble fifteen or so feet onto the bricks below?"

Well, yes. Certainly you wouldn't do it. We've talked about it, and everyone agrees that you're a promising young person with a bright future ahead of you, one filled with days of wine and not falling off of things. But I can't help remembering my friend Rob Zalkind, with whom I was sharing a chairlift when he leaned forward and, well, kept on leaning, falling thirty or forty feet^*, to the considerable surprise and dismay of his mother (motivated only partially by one of her skis getting knocked off in the process).

Anyway, Rob was fine. When we got down to him he was lying on his back, laughing and repeating "I'm so dumb" over and over. But in fact he went on to get a perfect score on the SATs (for which I will never, ever forgive him). So there you have it. Rob Zalkind: objectively non-dumb, yet still entirely capable of falling off of things. Maybe we'll put up some rope or something.

^* this is not an exaggeration