if you watched this week's episode of american idol, you might have noticed that paula abdul seemed a little, well...more crazy-ass than usual. she slurred words, pawed simon even more than normal, lolled her head around and was just plain weird.

but we should have seen the signs a-comin'; it's clear that paula was on the verge of a COMPLETE INSANE BREAKDOWN, the description of which is so totally awesome that i must post most of it here:

Abdul flew to Kuala Lumpur last Friday for the Force of Nature Tsunami Aid benefit as the guest of the King and Queen of Malaysia. She joined the likes of Lauryn Hill, Wyclef Jean, Jackie Chan, Bai Ling, Joey Fatone and the Black Eyed Peas. Abdul introduced Hill at a gala concert.

The next day, however, Abdul was at her suite at the Kuala Lumpur Ritz-Carlton when she learned that Los Angeles authorities planned to file a criminal charge against her for a hit-and-run incident she was involved in last December, which carries a maximum penalty of up to six months in jail.

Abdul was scheduled to have tea with the king and queen at the Malaysian Royal Palace on Saturday but refused to leave her bed, our source reports. A girlfriend who accompanied her on the trip told her she had to pull herself together and attend, since the royals were footing the bill. But when Abdul and her pal returned to the hotel, the pop star flipped out.

Abdul scratched her friend's face and the fracas was seen by a Ritz-Carlton staffer who entered the room. Before long, word of the fisticuffs spread among the other celebs staying at the hotel.

We're told that Abdul finally cooled off, but the next day, she flipped out again during her flight back to California with the friend. She threw a bracelet at her pal and screamed that the friend "owed her money" for a hamburger she'd consumed at the hotel.

fisticuffs over a freakin hamburger? paula, get your act together. this is not the kind of attitude i expect from someone representing the fine folks of american idol. clean yourself up, get off the quaaludes, and stop having sex with simon. it's obviously not helping.

also, WHO IS THIS FRIEND that puts up with a crazy bitch scratching her face and demanding repayment for $5 hamburgers? that's not friendship; that's a little thing called abuse.