fashion is hell
so, if you haven't realized by now through my continued whining, we've got this wedding thing to go to on saturday. a formal wedding, which, turns out, is a real pain in the ass. tuxes must be rented, non-ugly evening gowns must be bought, one must figure out how to do hair in a way that does not make one look like a monochromatic pinhead, etc. i've even got to paint my toenails. sheesh.
and i know i whine too much about it, really. but you have NO IDEA of what i had to go through to get a relatively normal-looking, affordable dress. let me take you on a little trip through the annals of a timewarped 80s fashion warehouse of death, aka Hecht's Department Store.
now, first i do realize that one has other options besides hecht's. but, for a girl living on a budget in the city, without a car to take her to the mall, hecht's downtown is pretty much ground zero for formalwear. one must make do. fortunately, i snatched up the last remaining one of this dress, and was not forced to wear one of the following fashion travesties.
apparently hecht's thinks heavy, dynasty-era beading and sequins are way in for this season. if you're into wearing something that weighs 20 pounds and looks like you're a hooker that just ran away from the circus, i say go for it.
you can't really get too good a sense of it from the photo, but this dress basically looks like they sliced the skin off an iridescent mermaid and stitched it together into a slutty dress. shiny.
for those wishing to look even wider than they already are, hecht's presents the Fun with Triangles dress. note the cute little bows at the vertexes.
hmm. i imagine the designer here was going for some ballerina-meets-spunky-punk asthetic, but it just looks like someone threw up pepto bismol and pronounced it a "dress."
really. what the fuck is going on here? if you wear this victorian-era-cum-wedding-cake-disaster, you are going to look like stay puft.
hecht's, say it with me: the 80s are dead, and good riddance. long live the aughts!
Comments
very entertaining post. you did very well in choosing the dress, especially considering yuour options. have fun at the wedding, kids!
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