did you know weddings are a racket? really, they are. i hadn't really figured this out earlier because i haven't been to a lot of weddings in my 25 years, but after talking with some friends last night, it's totally obvious. weddings are like...a republican institution or something. they're all about benefiting the rich and, um, helping out corporations like, um, pottery barn and williams-sonoma, and giving ridiculous material possessions only to straight folks...whatever. that analogy doesn't really work.

but seriously. i was talking with scott, a groomsman for jason and corbin's impending nuptials, and i found out he a) had to buy an engagement present b) buy a wedding present c) rent a tux d) go back and forth several times between his location and maryland to attend all sorts of crazy shindigs, where he can't even really get drunk or play beer pong or anything and e) attend a bachelor/bachelorette sleepover party, and doesn't that sound like fun, because you see the bride AND the groom will be there with all their friends, and they might make popcorn and watch movies and give each other facials and NOBODY GETS TO BE DRUNK AND KILL STRIPPERS.

really. and if i were to total all the money i'd already spent on this wedding, i would cry big salty tears, because in the past two days i have come to the realization that i am going to have to live like a monk for the next two years because northwestern and the federal government are going to own my souls for the rest of my life. do you want to know what one year at a journalism grad school will cost you? DO YOU? okay. brace yourself. here's northwestern's cruel and unusual estimate of my tuition and living costs for september 2005-september 2006:

Tuition
$35,332

Room & Board
17,020

Books
2,356

Travel
2,108

Personal
4,504

Activity Fee
280

Hospitalization Insurance
2,232

TOTAL
$63,832

HOLY FUCK! this is spectacularly unfair! and unless the "activity fee" includes bottles of whiskey, i'm going to be stone-cold sober all through school. but everybody knows that journalists need to be drunk! alcoholic, even! HOW DARE THEY DEPRIVE ME? don't they want me to learn real good?

this also comes with the fact that a) i just bought a laptop so i can blog drunkenly at will, anytime, anywhere b) long ago, before i realized i would be paying grad school debts until i was 90, i planned a trip to italy in april which will cost me molto euro and c) i recently became aware of the fact that another cost of journalism grad school is that you need a whole new wardrobe. no, really. especially when moving to a hip city like chicago. blazers, tweed skirts, suede messenger bags, flat black boots - my god. oh, and this dress - any journalist worth her salt needs this dress. you've got to look professional.

anyway. of course i am bringing this all on myself, and i know that journalistic careers traditionally reward their participants with high-paying, prestigious jobs. so it should be more or less okay. but you've been warned: for the forseeable future, i'm going on the canned-tuna-and-pasta-diet. and i'm going to be cranky.

UPDATE: think i kid about needing a whole new hip-journalist wardrobe? check out this spread of wonkette in fashion rag lucky magazine, illustrating her day-of-the-week clothing. now, tell me: can you REALLY be a good journalist without that brown leather grommet-studded tote? I THINK NOT.