I've barely noticed, what with dreams of next September already dancing through my head, but the Superbowl is almost upon us. Will it be the patrician fans of the personality-free Patriots that'll be cheering come February seventh, or the criminals and blowhards that make up the Philly fanbase? More to the point, who cares? The Redskins' NFC East rivalry with the Eagles should help me enjoy the proficient steamrolling that I expect to see from the Pats, but I can't get too excited about it.

The Superbowl as a ritual, though -- now that I can enjoy. Get some friends over, turn on the TV and start making quiet promises to your vascular system about how things are gonna be different soon, baby, it's just cause you love it so much that it makes you crazy sometimes. Then, with the help of a variety of simple carbohydrates, consume half a liter of peanut oil.

Although I usually leave the football staples -- pizza and Helluva Good dip (aka sour cream and onion powder) -- to third parties, I do like to try making something for the game. Usually that something is buffalo wings. The recipe is simple: fry the hell out of some wings, then coat with a 1:1 mixture of pleasantly-cheap Texas Pete hot sauce and butter. Gotta keep things healthy and avoid those trans-fats!

The trick, of course, is the actual frying process -- I've tried it with both a Fry Daddy Jr. and just a Big Pot of Oil, and the only difference is that the Fry Daddy Jr. only works in irritatingly small batches. With either solution and despite knowing better I always put in too many ice-encrusted frozen chicken wings at once, creating a roiling eruption of oil and steam that coats every surface in the kitchen.

That end result, though: mighty tasty! And you can hardly put a price on the quality-of-life improvement you'll enjoy as you glide effortlessly across your kitchen's freshly oiled floor. So who's coming over for Superbowl Sunday, and do any of you know how to treat burns?