Taking a cue from DCSOB's year-end review, I think I'll make some arbitrary predictions for 2005.

Music

Everyone begins to grimly accept that only two or three of last year's crop of dance-rock records were any good, yet can't quite stir themselves to move in a new direction -- nobody wants another fad as embarassingly awful as electroclash. Say, isn't it about time to exploit some kind of folk music again? Despite the confusion, it shapes up to be another good year in music -- those Republican administrations do something right, but who knows what it is?

Technology

LCD begins to edge out plasma as the display technology of the near-future, and commercial OLED products bigger than a cellphone screen (but not much bigger) make it to market. So does digital paper, but nobody uses it for anything but advertisements. An iPhone fails to emerge. The first water-cooled computer systems to be offered by a huge system integrator like Dell go on sale. A decent HDTV-capable projector becomes available for under $700. Internet movie piracy is officially deemed the most dangerous non-Islamic threat to the American dream, and your aunt has heard about BitTorrent and the DiVX codec from Newsweek. Americans are briefly riled up by a corporate invasion of their privacy, but after receiving $2 off coupons, decide they don't mind Walmart maintaining photographic records of its customers' genitals after all. Oh, and blogs are totally over. But then you already knew that.

Food

Everyone stops drinking mojitos and starts drinking caipirinhas. I continue drinking Miller Lite, but at least start feeling a little more ashamed about it. Despite my best efforts, caffeinated beer joins Clear Pepsi and Orbitz as one of mankind's greatest crimes against the concept of "beverage".

Sports

Washington baseball proponents begin to realize that their new baby isn't developing as quickly as the other children. Something is horribly wrong, as we must redefine what we expect to get out of this relationship -- Bostonians are quick to offer suggestions from their gloriously glory-less history, but everybody's pretty fucking sick of them by now. Meanwhile, the Redskins unleash an offensive onslaught so potent that, three games into the season, Paul Tagliabue calls an emergency meeting to draft rule changes aimed at keeping things competitive. Anthony Williams and Linda Cropp forge an unlikely alliance, but despite their best efforts Joe Gibbs is crowned emperor for life. At first the compulsory prayer and NASCAR-watching are kind of a drag, but all is forgiven when Lavar knocks large chunks of Vinny Testaverde's torso into the stands, where avaricious eBayers swarm over it like fire ants. Oh, and something happens with the NHL. Or doesn't. Who cares?

Science

A big asteroid threatens to hit us! And then, whoops, it turns out it won't. The Cassini probe makes Mars look boring, and a new NASA administrator plans to wind down the ISS and shuttle programs. We bask in a golden age of stain-free pant technology, but aside from that everyone wrongly consigns nanotechnology to whatever pile "gene therapy" is current sitting atop. The annual addition-of-the-extra-year-to-fusion's-ETA goes smoothly, reactionaries preclude a reasonable discussion about fission power, and I still don't own a flying car, god dammit. 75% of all federally funded research now involves the exact quantification of how fat Americans are -- preliminary results suggest the answer is "pretty fucking fat," but we should really wait for peer review.

Personal

I continue to fear making plans for the future. Wait, how did we get to this item? This list is over!

And of course, the domestication of the dog will continue unabated.

Please feel free to add your own predictions in the comments below. Just imagine I've issued a barking, John McLaughlin-style command for them. But try not to sound like Pat Buchanan.