Well, my dim-witted and carefree suburbanite mindset was finally shattered forever this morning: somebody stole my bike.

It was my own fault. I left it in my car, parked on the street, overnight. It's such a pain to get it in and out of the backseat, and I knew I'd need it today to bike from my dad's house (where I park) to the metro. I guess I was subconsciously counting on potential thieves knowing that it was a really, really shitty bike due to its being stored in a really, really shitty car. Apparently they didn't.

At least it was a considerate theft -- rather than smashing an entire window out, he just broke the small triangular one at the car's back right corner. Maybe I'll get to the auto glass place and they'll say "Triangular? Oooh. That's a tricky one. You've gotta order those custom made from deepest, darkest Africa. And you've gotta use that special enchanted safety glass, from a, wahaddayoucallit, dragon's hide." But right now it doesn't look like the damage was too bad.

This isn't my first brush with bike larceny. In elementary school I had a totally sweet white and blue BMX, with a white front tire and a red rear one. I rode it every day for a summer to the bus stop where I'd get picked up to go to computer class at the Arlington Career Center. You can understand the neighborhood toughs being jealous of a glamorous lifestyle like that, and the hot-and-cold-running 12 year old babes that came with it. So I got back from class one day and found my bike gone.

Fortunately the guys who stole the bike showed up two days later, riding it, at the exact same place where it was stolen, at the exact time when the buses were dropping off the kids who were the only plausible owners of the stolen bike. My grandfather, who was now picking me up in lieu of the bike, went over and scared them, and I got my ride back. Awesome.

Unfortunately Grandpa passed away several years ago, so this time around I'm not quite sure what to do. Without the sweet red and white tire setup, it doesn't seem worth going to the trouble of getting ignored by the DC police. Frankly I'm most pissed off that I've now lost the mounting brackets for the bitchin' LED safety light set I bought a week ago. That's right, safety lights. No, I haven't gotten any cooler since the career center days.

So I guess I'm in the market for a new bike. In the meantime I'll have to just console myself by ratcheting up my levels of misanthropy and paranoia toward my neighbors. That I can handle by myself; the bike is a little trickier. Does any one have any good suggestions for where to get a cheap bike for riding around the city? And does anyone know if any of those folding bikes are worth the money? It'd be nice to be able to bring one on the metro at rush hour.

so last night after we got home from work, charles and i were watching a rerun of "west wing", having a drink, chatting, etc. we somehow got on the topic of haircuts and how we both needed one. charles for a while now has been getting his hair cut at a place called nantucket salon on H street, where i gather that his mother and sister, over time, convinced him to go. they do nice work. charles has a good haircut. his hairdresser is named ivanique. i find this hysterical.

anyway, i was wondering last night if i should give ivanique a go, and charles did say that his mother and sister rave about him. charles' father, however, while he does get his hair cut at the same salon, doesn't use ivanique. he apparently prefers a hairdresser named paul. apparently, paul also cuts dick cheney's hair.

my head whipped around at this comment by charles. first off, i've generally received the impression that nantucket is a somewhat upscale salon, so i was surprised that such a rough-and-tumble, straight-shootin' real man like cheney would get his hair cut there. secondly...dick cheney doesn't really have hair. so what's the deal there? why does he need to be spending taxpayer's money on a pricey hair cut for that tiny little weakly wisp of white?

but the most SHOCKING revelation that came from charles was this exchange:

catherine: dick cheney has a HAIRDRESSER?
charles: oh yeah. paul is apparently a flaming democrat, but he's not going to turn away good money.
catherine: that is so fucking weird.
charles: yeah. and apparently, cheney paid for paul and paul's entire family to go to the republican national convention so he could take care of his hair there.
catherine: WHAT???

this, from the campaign that has made fun of john kerry's need for expensive salon haircuts. this, from the side that nearly went into apoplectic shock when clinton reportedly received a pricey trim from christophe on air force one. this, from a vice president who has repeatedly made fun of john edwards being picked as a running mate on the basis of his luxurious hair.

so let us try to figure out how much, approximately, dick cheney might have spent in order to fly his ritzy hairdresser and HIS ENTIRE FAMILY up to the RNC for four days just so he could have instant access to a trim or style for the THREE STRANDS ON HIS HEAD. i'm not sure how much a haircut for a male at nantucket costs, but i'm not sure the exact price really matters, because i'm going to go ahead and assume that paul charged cheney for all the time and business he might have otherwise had back home at the salon in d.c. (hey, they did it when the drudge report kerry hair flap was happening.)

people estimated that john kerry's one-day cross-country haircut cost at least $1,000, including airfare and lost time for the hairstylist. here, we have a stylist who a) had to be compensated for four days of lost salon time b) had his entire family flown to new york city and c) also had his entire family lodged in new york city, just so the hairdresser could be at cheney's beck and call. you know what? i'm going to be conservative and estimate that haircutting costs, plus airfare for paul's enormous family (who knows? it could have included second cousins, uncles, etc), plus lodging for them all, plus lost time at the salon, ended up costing cheney (or the taxpayers? who knows?) at LEAST $10,000.

plus, not to mention the fact that cheney is an effete asshole who needs a hairdresser at his beck and call.

why isn't this a DNC talking point? why didn't lovely loyd grove report on it in his gossip column? why isn't chris matthews telling stories about cheney's $10,000 haircuts night after night after night?

repeat after me: dick cheney is an effete, effeminate motherfucker who pays thousands of dollars for haircuts. we need to get the word out.