you're really doing yourself a disservice if you're not reading these documents on the smoking gun in regards to the bill o'reilly sexual harrasment scandal. a few of my favorite excerpts:

After these words during the course of their dinner, Defendant Bill O'Reilly's demeanor abruptly changed. O'Reilly's eyes became glazed and bizarrely strayed in opposite directions. Defendent then said to Plaintiff, "And just use your vibrator to blow off steam!"

...When Plaintiff responded that she never engaged in phone sex, Defendant professed disbelief, and told her that the sexual stories he told were all based upon his own experiences, such as when he received a massage in a cabana in Bali and the "little short brown woman" asked to see his penis and was "amazed."

...[on the phone] During the course of Defendant Bill O'Reilly's rant, it became clear that he was using a vibrator upon himself, and that he ejaculated. Plaintiff was repulsed. Immediately after climaxing, Defendant launched into a discussion concerning how good he was on a recent appearance on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno.

zee theeng on bush's back, i theenk it eez steel there.
so what the fuck is it?

pic 1
pic 2
pic 3

those are the only images i can find. i found about a billion shots of kerry's back, though.

also, can we get a round of applause for both the candidates' daughters? they all looked smokin last night. at least whoever wins will be helping out the dreadful fashion scene in d.c.

update: for you doubters, there's a seriously bulge-y photo here.

i don't think it's a wire, but it must be some sort of medical device. some more of the tin-foilish people that i've read have suggested that bush has had a stroke in the past four years, which would also explained why one side of his face was droopy last night.

or else bush has extremely freaky shoulder blades.

viva la conspiracy!

If you were intent on being very, very bad, you could now find Halo 2 on the internet via Bittorrent, console P2P apps, and newsgroups, despite the fact that the game won't be officially released until November 9th.

It appears that sometime during the development of the French-language edition somebody ripped the game and put it up on a french warez newsgroup. Finally, the French contribute something to America's culture of violence! I'm glad you guys have come around.

Anyway, I'll be downloading this without qualms -- I've already got a copy preordered (Outpost.com has it for $10 less than everywhere else, if you're shopping around). Besides, this is the unfortunate nature of unchecked cross-border game proliferation: if I don't want to get slaughtered online come November 9th, I've got to make sure I'm as well-prepared as the least scrupulous of the world's nerds. Nobody said digital brinksmanship was pretty.

I didn't even really like the original Halo that much. Movement in it is slow, the weapons are unbalanced, and the game doesn't have much visual pop. For purposes of reducing my friends to a fine virtual paste, I've always preferred Doom 2 and Quake 3. Unfortunately, as graphics card capabilities blossomed, staying on the bleeding edge of PC gaming became tremendously expensive, and Halo is the best of an admittedly meager selection of console-based multiplayer action-heavy first person shooters.

There's something to be said for submitting to a universal standard -- even if it's an inferior one. Speaking Esperanto may be totally awesome when you can round up enough people to do it, but it's still probably not worth the trouble. I may prefer to rain fiery death upon my opponents in Quake, but if I find myself at some unknown friend-of-a-friend's house, a few rounds of Halo serve as the official language of male-bonding diplomacy.

In the end, the only objective in these types of games is to maintain your superiority over as many prepubescent brats as you can, for as long as you can. To this end, the huge numbers of people who'll pick up Halo 2 will improve my meager odds considerably.

well, in the haze of an early-morning hangover, i agree with basically everything tommy said last night, and i apologize for my insane sweet potato rantings. i honestly thought bush had pulled out a narrow win, simply because the contrast between his performance in this debate and the other two was, like, impossibly better. but i'm thrilled to be proved wrong by instant poll reactions. however, bush did have a few moments that creeped the hell out of me: when he tried to make a joke to bob about not trusting leading news organizations, realized it was a total and complete flop, and then muttered, "eh, well, nevermind..."; every time he laughed his smirky "ha ha ha" laugh that sounded completely forced; and the time he responded to a question (i think it was about health care, and bob scheiffer was asking who he thought was responsible for the health care crisis) and bush was all like, "heh heh, well, i hope it's not my administration!" wtf? worst answer ever.

anyway, i was too busy making the sweet potatoes and anticipating "lost" to really care about the debates. i have to say, i have become completely addicted to "lost". jj abrams has done it again! last night's episode was the strongest so far, i thought. knife dude (super rudy, as tommy likes to call him, in reference to rudy from survivor) is an awesome and extremely sympathetic character (his name is john locke, make of that what you will); the leading man and lady, while totally acting and looking exactly like every other leading man and lady from a jj abrams series (felicity and ben from "felicity", sydney and vaugh from "alias"), are kickass, capable, and likeable. you've got several other interesting characters around which storylines can be built and information can be revealed through flashbacks. then there's the freaky-not-a-dinosaur-thing that's stomping around the island. we have really got to get some sort of bet going on what it might be. not a polar bear; not a dinosaur; any ideas? alien? god himself? government superkilling robot? also: how the fuck did the polar bear get there?

anyway. i need to go browse some conspiracy theory boards and be all nerdy about this show. there are some super awesome and intelligent theories over there:

Well this is interesting...an elephant could toss a person pretty far...what I was wondering is why the creature, whatever it is, did not eat the pilot? An elephant wouldn't eat a human, but it could sure kill one. What if the previous plane/boat (whatever) that crashed was carrying circus animals?

ok here is a theory what if it is just one persons dream he is on the plane he goes to sleep and dreams the whole thing when you close your eyes you can see as many people you want to and stay as long as you want to all in a 3 min dream just a thought

Well, I'm happy to be proven wrong by the instant-reaction polls, most of which seem to be showing a Kerry win. I wonder if that isn't a byproduct of people having decided, based on the previous two debates, that Kerry's demeanor is more presidential. If so, it's bad news for the President.

Still, I really thought last night was easily Bush's strongest performance, and that at times he outperformed Kerry significantly -- particularly in the first half of the debate. Things levelled out toward the end, however. Also working against a decisive victory either way: the high wonkiness level -- I imagine a lot of people (myself included) didn't pay enough attention to detail to truly evaluate the arguments on their merits. The President's positions are harder to attack when shrouded in statistics; Kerry definitely seems to benefit most when he can go after the administration's overly simplistic conceptual approach to inherently dramatic issues like the war on terror.

Given the lack of gaffes and zingers, I think this debate will flow into the others in the minds of most people. I suspect that most folks will remember an overall debate narrative rather than a singular closing impression. If that's the case, then these contests clearly did Kerry's campaign a lot of good.

However, after a night of television viewing and carefully considering the options, I'm leaning toward casting my vote for that dude with all the knives on Lost. Promising to kill the terrorists is fine and all, but how many wild boars have either of the major party candidates personally downed?

Also: how bad were Bob Schieffer's questions? His use of the flu vaccine fiasco as a segue into a discussion of healthcare was kind of like saying, "Apple juice prices are rising. Would you say there's a child care crisis in America today?"