whole foods bites
i cannot let the lovefest for whole foods that i see amongst so many people of my age and economic class continue. jesus. when did where you buy your groceries become a status symbol? i know i'm going to get shit for this, but i can't help it: i burn with hatred for whole foods. especially after moving to a neighborhood where my grocery shopping options are between the P street whole foods or the 9th street giant. it's a choice between me busting into a yuppie-fueled rage and running over some hipsters with my shopping cart, or getting mugged in a parking lot after buying some crappy produce. lately, the latter is sounding much more appealing.
i don't want to offend anyone who shops there - i think being all organic and stuff is a good idea. but there are certain things i am not willing to endure in order to buy groceries (of which whole foods has, by the way, an incredibly limited selection). #1 is ridiculous prices. i cannot get eggs for under $10 there. #2 is taking an act of god to manuver my way past all the yuppie hipsters (can i make up a word for these people? yupsters? yes, i realize i am a yupster and that this term has already probably been made up) who stand around in the aisles for 15 minutes making their choices between 32 brands of organic wheat berry bran cereal. #3 is wanting to kill everyone there, from the SUV driving gas guzzlers who think they doing all good healthy environmental things by shopping there, to the sorts of people who actually eat stuff named "Eden Organic Edensoy Extra" or "EnviroKidz Organic Crispy Rice Bars", to the people who are willing to go way out of their way to drive to this store and spend hundreds of dollars on organic food that you could get for half the price by DRIVING TO TRADER JOE'S.
which brings me to my next issue: when the fuck is d.c. going to get a trader joe's? i've only been living in the city for a week and i'm already dying for it. i was unfortunate enough to only discover this gem of a grocery store in the past six months, but i shopped there as much as i could in the short time that we had together. $4 bottles of wine? gorgonzola walnut tortellini that tastes as good as something you could get in italy? being able to spend under $50 to supply yourself with a week's worth of healthy, delicious groceries? that's the life.
the couple of things i will grant whole foods is that they seem to have excellent produce, and their storebrand olive oil is really good and cheap. but that's it. i've shopped there twice in the past few days, and i know that if i have to go again, the experience is probably going to end with me shoving a plantain up someone's butt. so fare thee well, obnoxious whole foods - you can find me making weekend pilgrimages to the trader joe's in tyson's corner.
Comments
catherine, i sense a lot of anger in this last post. you know, whole foods has quite the selection of calming aromatherapy treatments.
I confess to being a Whole Foods partisan, although I hated it when I lived in Austin and had better alternatives. Just don't do all your grocery shopping there, and you'll hate it less. Produce, cheese, and wine. And the tasty hot food counter when you don't feel like cooking. Ignore everything else, and get all that at the crappy Giant on 9th.
With you on the TJ's, though. But there's a Target going up in Columbia Heights sometime in the next decade!
Yeah, I feel pretty similarly about John Kerry and Whole Foods. Some good things happening with both, but mostly it's Any Grocery but Giant.
Whole Foods SUCKS!!!
They treat their employees (oh, excuse me, "team members") like shit.
They spray pesticides in their stores around their "organically grown" produce...but they still call it "organically grown" because technically it would still be organically GROWN, but it still gets sprayed with pesticides!!!
Boycott Whole Foods Market!
Whole Foods sucks! That it is a green, health food store is bull. They sell Dow and Dupont products-hardly green! Their staff lie about the importance of supporting fair trade coops in promoting their own 365 coffee. They lie about their shrimp being Sea Turtle Safe and they were started on weapons profits. They are intense Union Busters and will readily terminate anyone who dares mention union activity (See Wholeworkersunite.com). The founder admits that he envisioned a seductive sales environment that enticed customers into buying with flirtatious young attractive staff. I have watched customers melt in the hands of whole foods employees and know of three people whose marriages ended because their spouses were actually enticed right out of the store, by employees with severely poor boundaries. And that is just in one store!! Staff are encouraged to dress provocatively where-as in other grocers they are required to dress professionally. You are encouraged to focus on the quality of food, not the sexiness of employees or the "prettiness" of the store. Whole Foods is a con job for Whole Fools! If you are truly environmentally conscious and committed to social justice, boycott Whole Foods and support your local Grocer or Coop. Whole Foods is no better than any other multi national corporation. They suck the life out of our communities while pretending to be community friendly
People who bash Edensoy Extra will burn in Hell for all eternity. I know this for a fact. Better enjoy life while you can...
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