Susan normally gets to hog all the democracy-promotion glory, spinning tales about teaching blind orphans how to vote in war-torn Soviet backwaters. But today, for once, I can say that I did my part for the democratic process: yesterday my voice was heard on two separate occasions. Which, come to think of it, isn't actually very democratic. Whatever.

The first occurred in front of Safeway. "Excuse me sir," said some fat guy by the door, in that let's-be-polite-but-who-are-we-kidding way that older people do when calling a 24 year old "sir". "Could I get you to sign a petition to get my friend on the ballot?"

I'm pretty bad at saying no to things like that, and before I knew it a clipboard was in my hands. "Do you mind if I ask what party she's affiliated with?" I managed. "Do you mind"? Ugh.

"Actually she's running as an independent, but she has democratic beliefs on education and republican beliefs on business." Okay, way to please everyone. I'm envisioning children eating government-subsidized school lunches while sewing wallets for export; simultaneously I'm signing my name for some reason. Hopefully I haven't just endorsed the American Nazi Party's pick for state comptroller. At least as a non-Democrat it's pretty much a lock she won't get elected in Arlington.

The second opportunity came later in the evening when I received a phone call asking, in a mechanical sort of way, whether I'd like to participate in a political survey. Sure! Am I a registered voter? Why yes. Do I support America's efforts in Iraq? Since you're an automated robot I'm guessing you don't want to get into a semantic argument, so okay, yes. Will I be voting for President Bush in November? Hell no. Do I believe that marriage is sacred and should be between one man and one woman? Hmm. It's always tough to pass up an opportunity to lash out wildly at Mormons, but I managed a "no".

This is where I start to pick up on their game. I was in the middle of a push-poll, designed not to collect information, but to spread opinion. The most famous example of this was Karl Rove polling Carolina voters as to how they felt about John McCain's "black baby" (i.e. the child he adopted from Bangladesh -- this parenthetical context was, amazingly, somehow omitted). So I decided to do my best to be as contrary as possible. A choice between higher or lower taxes? Higher, please; it's nice to feel like you're doing your fair share. And you know, maybe it's time we give a chance to a weak commander-in-chief, someone who'll cave in to the islamofascists -- you know, just to keep things fresh.

The worst one was about Congressman Moran, though. I don't have much of an opinion of him, except to know that he's gotten nailed once as anti-Semitic for making some comments about tempering the influence of the pro-Israel lobby, and nailed as anti-Semitic a second time by a former aid who provided no evidence or corroborating witnesses (and had previously sworn revenge for getting fired).

So, when asked, "Would it bother you to know that your congressman has been quoted making anti-Semitic remarks?" I considered my options -- but ultimately decided that for purposes of Republican push-polling, this doesn't bother me at all. Sorry, jewish friends. I still really like those latke things, though.