i can't even muster up enough energy to express any clever outrage over the retardedness of the whole "i'm a security mom" meme running around the rightwing female blogosphere today. if i were a feminist scholar or something (and thank god i'm not), i'd write a lengthy post about the ramifications/subconscious motivations/asshatedness of it all. and then i'd make a joke about having a banner like this:

i understand wanting to keep your children and family safe. i guess i understand wanting to own a gun in case osama bin laden decides that your house is a den of sin and he will send 30 of his comrades into your baby's bedroom in the middle of the night. i don't really get buying your SUV based on how many weapons hiding places there are, but whatever.

but i don't understand how instilling a hysterical sense of fear of improbable situations into children would make them safer. obviously, i'm not a mother, so i can't speak with great authority on the best way to parent. but i have worked a significant amount with small children. and if you are constantly telling them that there are bad people out there that are going to do bad things to you every chance they get, your child is going to grow up to be a paranoid bed-wetting mess of a person. there's a large difference between making sure your kid is aware, with street smarts, and having them think that the ice cream man is going to make off with their severed heads.

i mean, i just want to cry when i read stuff like this, from a recent security mom column by nutjob michelle malkin:

We have educated our 4-year-old daughter about Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein. She knows that there are bad men in the world trying to kill Americans everywhere.

She has helped us decorate packages of books and bubblegum for our brave soldiers. And at night, we ask God to bless our troops as they risk their lives trying to kill the bad men before they kill us.

jesus h. christ. i feel bad for michelle, because she is going to be spending a lot of money on psychotherapy bills for her daughter in the coming years.

yes, it can be a scary world. but it can also be a wonderful one. and if you're spending the majority of your time telling your children how terrible and frightening and ghoulish everything is, you're both going to miss out on the best parts of life.

update: well, just go to norbizness. he says it better.

i've decided that i am dying to see the movie garden state, written, directed by and starring that adorable zach braff from scrubs. my reasons are many:

1. the movie is written, directed by and starring that adorable zach braff from scrubs.

2. natalie portman is in it, and while she's totally wasted her talent after george lucas got his hands on her in the past two worthless star wars movies (random fact: did anyone know that keira knightley played one of portman's doubles/handmaidens in the phantom menace? and sofia coppola played another? WEIRD), garden state looks like the kind of showcase she deserves, akin to the professional or beautiful girls.

3. the soundtrack looks good. includes: coldplay, the shins, remy zero, nick drake, iron and wine, etc. i'm a sucker for any movie that has a good soundtrack, even if the movie itself is crap. i mean, check out this soundtrack for wicker park. now, i saw a preview for wicker park when i saw anchorman the other day, and it looks like a cross between the butterfly effect and single white female. not good. but jeez. the soundtrack has the postal service, mogwai, the shins, stereophonics, etc etc. when i see soundtracks put together like that, i immediately assume that the forces behind the movie have impeccable taste and couldn't possibly have put out a crap film.

4. zach braff has a blog. and it's funny. and we know that anyone who has a blog can't be bad, correct? blogs are the real deal yo.

5. just check out the trailer for yourself. it looks exactly the pretentious-while-desperately-trying-to-avoid-being-pretentious sort of movie that i love (lots of staring meaningfully into the camera while zany fast-motion/slow-motion stuff happens around you, or weird shots of tractors, etc). and zach braff. yay.

in other movie news, i've got plans to see the bourne supremacy tomorrow night, and i could not be more excited. well, i could be more excited if i knew matt damon was taking his shirt off a lot in the film, but i'm not sure how high that possibility is.

A quick recommendation: have a look at Salon's interview with Alan Moore, author of Watchmen, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, From Hell and other comic books I've tried to force Catherine to read.

Moore's insights into the American political system and the current war aren't particularly worth reading -- you know what to expect from a British subcultural icon. But the preceding chat about the media and the wrap-up about authors' role as information synthesizers are areas on which he can offer some interesting thoughts. If nothing else, maybe it can convince the haters that Moore is sufficiently thoughtful to merit reading some of his comic books.

don't forget: ted leo rx tonight at the black cat. be there or be sitting on your couch at home watching nbc's fantastic summer lineup. i don't really care, because i will be rocking out the sweet sounds of mr. leo, and possibly continuing my stalking of him. i might even drink beer! this is a novelty to me, because since i've started marathon training, i have only been allowed to drink/have fun/be a normal 24 year-old on saturday and monday nights.

anyway, if you're coming, get there early, because there was a pretty big piece on ted leo in the express this morning, and that means the metro-riding hipsters will be out in full force.