a burning something alright
i have to admit, one of my favorite guilty pleasures is trolling through the missed connections section of craigslist. basically, one of my major goals in life is to be cited in an MC, as the kids call them, but it hasn't really happened yet. it's okay, i'm young, there's plenty of time to meet my real soulmate who maybe spotted me inhaling my lunch at baja fresh last tuesday but was so scared that i'd growl at him for interrputing my precious mexican burrito bowl that he never approached me.
most of the MCs are too dumb to bother with; they're usually along the lines of, "you were the cute girl on the red line metro sometime last week. i forgot to get your number before you got out. some coffee sometime?" good god, there are so many things wrong with this kind of MC. first off: details, details, details. you need to recite the girl's height, distinguishing features (no, "great ass" does not count as a distinguishing feature), and everything the girl was wearing, down to her shoes, and especially her shoes, for if you can describe the kind of shoes a girl was wearing, you will have a ten thousand times better chance of finding who you're looking for. second off, you did not "forget to get her number" before she left. you are a weak pussy boy who cannot even gather the courage up to go talk to a nice-looking girl on the metro who could end up being the love of your life so you probably just went home and jacked off instead and then logged onto craigslist. jerk. seriously, any girl would love it if you just went up to her, introduced yourself, paid her a nice compliment, and asked if you could take her out sometime. if she says no, or has a boyfriend, just smile, say thanks anyways, and life will go on.
anyway, somewhere in all of this lies the point that today i came across what has to be the best MC of all time, because it is a poem, written for a girl at the kabob restaurant moby dick's, and it is awesome. behold:
You walked in wearing a tight gray shirt with red pants.
Your hair, face, and body combine to make you a painfully
attractive creature. Like most men, I tortured myself
with casual glances from a nearby table and left before
your meal was served. I wrote this for you...Behold the World
A scantily clad woman
Holding up the line
Breathing fire down my chest
Thundering cold up my spine
The image of Her breast
Her heart pressed against mine
Thumping in the dark of
A desperate whine
Losing myself in
Her arching passageways
A burning inferno
Her hypnotic gaze
Trembling before God
My lips without praise
In Her bodily temple
A dead man is raised
hell, this poem is so awesome that i might just respond to this guy even though i'm not the MC because he is clearly a lothario with super magical love poetry powers. how could i resist the line "in her bodily temple/a dead man is raised"? the answer is, i can't.
Comments
Yeah, but then he'd probably try to be cute and take you to Moby Dick's, and you'd had to eat some of their horribly overrated kabobs. Avoid this at all costs!
Not that I have a vested interest or anything.
(Also, it could be my coworker Sean, since the office is across the street from Moby Dick's. And you don't want that)
Yet another reason why I am a vastly superior human being: I have been the subject of not one, but THREE Missed Connections. Take that, motherfuckers!
there is much i planned to say about these MCs -- although here in austin, we call it "A shot in the dark," and we are certainly not allowed enough space to write a poem. anyways, all i was going to say vanished in light of charlie's superhuman accomplishment. charlie, you're the man now, dog.
p.s. re: "any girl would love it if you just went up to her, introduced yourself, paid her a nice compliment, and asked if you could take her out sometime." while this may be the polite way to go about it, i've never heard of it actually working. also, catherine, before you write off every guy across the metro as a wimpy wanker, i must ask: have you ever tried to approach someone point blank like this? no easy thing ... at least for a "pussy" such as myself.
matty, that's true -- fortunately, being a girl, i've never had to walk up to somebody and ask them out. i will say though that it's happened to me a few times, and though i have to tell the guys that i have a boyfriend, i always find it incredibly flattering and nice instead of creepy and weird. so just go for it!
But not on the Metro.
I will continue oogling girls on the metro with a fierce patience... falling in love in a minute, forever submersing myself in that suffocatingly sad sweetness of a love lost and unrequited, forever wondering, whats she got on under that smart pantsuit?
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