Yes, I am fully aware that rants about corporate doublespeak written in the imperative are not original. But I can't help it. I'm stuck in training today through Thursday -- "Designing and Implementing Integrated Portal Solutions Bootcamp". So some notes for you, Mr. Instructor Guy:

• "Task" is a noun, not a verb. You're thinking of "assigning" things -- that's what you do with tasks, dummy. Or you can "make someone responsible for" a task. I know, we're all incredibly important people and don't have time for polysyllabic... sorry, long words. Perhaps you could turn these phrases into some more of your goddamned acronyms.
• Instead of "best practices," let's call it as "doing your job right." Then let's all assume everyone should do their job right. Then we can stop talking about it.
• Buddy. Dude. Lay off using "whilst" so much. I'm sorry, but nobody is going to mistake you for Lord Byron. Didn't you notice how weird it sounded when that girl from the Drama department kept using it all the time in high school English class? It doesn't sound any better when you're talking about extensible IT solutions than it did in poems about various types of sorrow.
• Finally, this isn't specific to IT instructors, just you. Please stop saying "pain in the rump." We're all grown men. Some cursing might make this more bearable for all of us.
  

Really, I should be able to come up with more items than this. The shortness of this list strongly indicates that I need to get out of this line of work. I've gotten to the point where I almost believe that "Integrated Business Solution" means something.