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posted by catherine / March 16, 2004 /
i'm so tired. i think this sort of weather seeps into my head when i'm sleeping or something, so even though i've gotten a full night's of rest, i wake up completely groggy and fuzzy and out of it. one cup of coffee has not cut it. i might have to hit up the evil starbucks for some buzz. and i haven't been to starbucks in months. really, i've been doing well. i haven't paid for an overpriced, flavorless latte in a long, long time. and i'm not even missing it.
trivia night last night was absolutely terrible. and it wasn't even because we did poorly (though, of course, we did). it was supposed to be an "irish-themed" trivia night. apparently fado's idea of irish-themed is to have the event hosted by a belligerent, drunk englishman who seems charming and witty at first but quickly morphs into the nursery school teacher of death. the whole thing took so much longer than usual because he would not stop shouting at people to be quiet. hello, i'm all for decorum and being anal, but even i realize that we are at a freaking pub and there's no way you're going to shut up hundreds of guiness-drinking people just so you can recite some obscure irish query. fucker. needless to say, it was frustrating, and we left before finding out the results. blah. i just want the quizmistress. no one should be allowed up there except her. sometimes she tries too hard to be funny, but she's quick, speaks clearly, and is appropriately sassy. anyway, it was funny, because it turns out charles actually kind of knew the drunk english bastard -- apparently, he is a PUBLIC DEFENDER. hah. okay! i wonder if he's constantly yelling at his clients to pipe down and clean up after themselves.
in unrelated trivia anger news, it turns out that i am apparently now the vienna, virginia european travel expert. my family keeps directing people they know who are about to embark on a european vacation to me. i find this funny, because i am by no means an expert on anything, and my advice usually consists of "drink as much as possible." however, this evening, the mother of one of my brother's friends is supposed to be calling me to talk about, i don't know, whatever, because her son has decided to do the whole "go find yourself through europe" type thing. which, incidentally, i think is a great idea. i wish students here in the u.s. had a gap year sort of thing like they do in the uk.
anyway, i at least like pretending to be an expert, so here follow my european travel tips, some obvious and rote, some based on personal experience:
don't really bother bringing that many euros. just bring your atm card (plus a backup card). it's a much better exchange rate and more convenient. however, make sure to call your bank to let them know ahead of time that you'll be drawing out money from exotic locales. tommy didn't do this when he visited me, and about two weeks in, he couldn't access his account anymore. it took days of figuring out italian phones and how to call 1-800 numbers from europe to convince his bank that no one was highjinking around italy with his card.
also money related, don't even bother bringing traveler's checks. i brought like $500 worth of them when i went to italy, and NOT A SINGLE PLACE accepted them. waste of time.
bring loads and loads of mosquito repellent, or at least buy a huge bottle your first day there, if you're visiting in the spring/summer. europe, italy in particular, is home to the most nuclear sized mosquitoes you've ever seen. i went through several bottles in two months. also, the other day i opened and sniffed a bottle of OFF! (don't ask me why) and was immediately transported back to milan. yes, the smell i now associate most with italy is that of OFF!
don't bother with first class train travel, especially if you're going on something like the eurostar train. a lot of people think second class is going to be extremely sketchy, but it's fine, and much cheaper.
also related to trains, DO NOT FORGET TO VALIDATE YOUR TICKET. as far as i know, you have to do this everywhere in europe. before you board a train, make sure you stick your ticket into one of the little yellow machines that stamps a time and a date on your ticket. you can get kicked off a train if you didn't do this. for serious.
please, for the love and self-respect of all americans, learn a few key phrases in the language of the country you're visiting. it is so digusting when a tourist doesn't even know how to say please or thank you.
on the flip side, do not overuse please and thank you if those are the only phrases you know. i can't tell you how many times i've seen people just going around shouting "GRAZIE!" after absolutely every sentence they utter, like they've got tourette's or something. it's obnoxious. and grating. because they say it like "grahhhh zeee!"
in italy at least, you will be charged a significant amount extra if you choose to sit at a table in a cafe/bar instead of ordering up at the bar and eating/drinking your brioche/espresso standing up. also, don't order something from the bar, pay for it, and then go sit down at the table. the waiter will give you the look of death. it's just not allowed.
ladies: beware italian bathrooms. many are not more than a hole in the floor, even in respectable establishments. they will try to pretty up the hole in the floor by putting some sort of ceramic platform around it (which actually makes it even more difficult, because now you're trying to pee in a hole in the floor while balancing on a ceramic platform), but it is still just a hole in the floor. i never figured out the magic trick of being able to pull down your pants, squat, and pee without peeing all over your clothing, so i avoided hole-bathrooms like the plague. best bathroom award, however, goes to: mcdonald's. always a safe bet.
i know it's anal, but it's not a bad idea to make copies of all your important documents, like your passport, drivers license, etc.
my friends i did this one a lot -- if we were going to, say, bolzano for the weekend, instead of taking our twenty-pound lonely planet italy guidebook with us, we'd either just make copies of the pertinent pages, or rip out those pages all together. saves lots of space.
don't drink a cappucino after 11am if you're concerned with looking 'authentic.' you will get withering stares from the barista/waiter.
if it's summer and you plan on visiting a lot of churches, you can't wear shorts/sleeveless shirts into the churches. you should know that. you can't go into the house of god looking like a slut.
avoid restaurants that advertise 'tourist menus' (menu turistici). it will be, without fail, TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE food. we learned our lesson when we went into one such place in siena. the sign outside said "pasta, bread, wine and dessert for 7.50!" sounds great, we said. turns out the bread was a stale slice of something akin to wonderbread; the wine was one solitary glass of a sour-tasting concotion served in a plastic cup; and the pasta was, more or less, a microwaved lean cuisine platter. TERRIBLE. AVOID.
that's all i can think of off the top of my head. have you got any?
Comments
Here's a couple more, based on my limited Italian experience...
Going shirtless in public: okay if you're swimming, impolite otherwise. Exceptions are gladly made for attractive women.
if you do go swimming at a pool, they'll expect you to wear a cap. It's a part of their strange obsession with hygiene -- a few stray hairs could wipe out an entire family, apparently.
in the same vein... at the supermarket, DON'T TOUCH THE PRODUCE. NON TOCCARE. Ruthlessly enforcing this rule is how little old ladies prove their continued worth to Italian society. There will be silly glove/bag things for you to use. Pretend you're a doctor. If there are no silly glove/bag things, there's probably a little old man who'll take your order. You can still pretend you're a doctor if you like.
Italian vending machines aren't designed to dispense food and beverages, but are actually just elaborate donation boxes. Proceeds go to St Jude, the patron saint of me not getting any fucking coffee.
Finally, and most importantly: for god's sake, bring along a girlfriend who speaks the language.
You didn't miss hearing the results announced, because not only did they fail to give ANY answers to any rounds after they gave the answers to round 2 (skipping round one, for some reason), they also never announced scores or winners. And by "they," yes, I do mean that sloppy drunkard who was howling at us all night. Jesus. The only upside I can see is that he might scare off all those people taking up tables 90 minutes prior to the start of pub quiz!
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