since 24 isn't on for like four more months, i took this opportunity to watch america's top model! i've been wanting to watch it for a long time, but was too caught up in the 24 season.

and guess what? they went to MILANO! this is revealed to them by scary tyra banks in a terrible rap at lunch. i can't believe the woman has an album coming out. but i'll probably buy it because she terrifies me so.

so the girls hop over the ocean to milan in a little cartoon representation, and are shown getting off in milan, which is apparently both the home to pisa's leaning tower and milan international airport, which doesn't exist. but i quibble. they're in milan! and they show lovely little scenes and fountains and piazzas and i am in heaven. milano. ti amo.

the girls find out that they will be doing things called "go sees", where i guess they try out for certain shoots or magazines. i don't really know, because i've started drinking a four dollar bottle of trader joe's wine. but they are driven all over the city by VESPA BOYS. thankfully, NON MASTURBATING vespa boys; in fact, very beautiful typically italian vespa boys. the girls jaws drop open upon seeing them and they croak out some ciaos to the boys.

it doesn't look like, to me, that the go sees go very well. everyone seems unenthusiastic about the girls, and there is one devil italian woman from the caractere line that is so rude and cruel and wonderfully, typically fashionista italian that i want to hug her, except she'd poke my face out. the guy translating translates like, "sensual" to "un po' di sexy." awesome.

there are some scenes showing camille and her sexpot italian vespa boy driving around the city at night and sharing a "connezione." they show the beautiful castello sforezsco and a few other streets. the sexpot says later to camille, "i like not only your walk." charles says, "how do italian guys get away with this shit?"

the results from the go sees come back, and turns out camille wins overall. also turns out yoanna needs to work on her body, which i don't understand, because she is beautiful and skinny and tall and all model-y. if she needs to improve her body, then i need to lose like 50 pounds. yoanna is really upset, and i don't blame her. i think she's gorgeous.

the girls retire to their trendy milan apartment, which they call "small," and then they learn that tomorrow they're going to VERONA!!! one of my favorite italian cities. could this episode get any better? they're all over italy, AND i get to judge other girls on their bodies and looks without feeling guilty about it! awesome.

the girls do a 'high fashion' shoot in the beautiful verona amphitheater, which is all pink soft stone and i was supposed to go see bjork play there, but had to sell my ticket. this ugly scary jay guy is there in a huge fur trimmed coat and bono/bug eye sunglasses. he could not look more out of place. what exactly does he do?

the girls do their own photo shoots, all wearing various ugly ruffled flowing dresses from everyone from dior to galliano. also, everyone's hair is enormous and fluffy. apparently frizz is 'high fashion.' i think yoanna looks fantastic in this peacock-y dress. shandi wears a pale pink dress with her hair bigger than a bush, but i am finally seeing what everyone means when they say she is the only one who can do high fashion, because she looks like she's straight from the pages of vogue. the photographer encourages the girls to hunch over more; tommy says, "i don't get how this is a fashion model look. this is more like...i broke my collarbone look."

so, camille and yoanna go to get camille's 'prize.' her 'prize' is apparently having a five-euro italian street vendor draw her face. she must be thrilled. but verona is beautiful, and i'm reliving my first-time italian excitement through the girls.

scary tyra banks come back at dinner. i cower. i'm sure none of the girls actually eat what is sure to be a fantastically delicious dinner. yoanna "goes to the bathroom" which clearly means goes to vomit up some pasta bolognese. the girls share concern about it to tyra the angry engeful goddess, who shows a minimal amount of concern. oh yeah. eating disorders are a HUGE deal in the modelling business. yoanna finds out that camille was talking behind her back and camille is BURNED. and SPURNED. take that, attitude biatch.

janice dickinson, looking like death in tinfoil, some magazine and modelling people are the judges. are they the judges every time? they reveal various facst such as the caractere lady was just a test, blah blah. who cares. it's clear mercedes is going home. but AH HA. i was tricked by the editing gods of reality tv shows! mercedes does not leave; camille does. fine by me.

wow, tommy, charles and i all agree we have become immediately addicted to the show. thank god 24 isn't on for a while more, so i can become futher immersed in this world of modeling.

charles mentions that he heard a rumor that the next real world is filming in adams morgan. anyone know if there is any truth to this? if so, let's go to adams morgan and find the cast members and make out with all of them and/or punch them in the face.